The Dragon Age series loves to spotlight sex and romance. It’s a big part of developer BioWare’s marketing for the upcoming Dragon Age: The Veilguard, which will include romantic routes for each of its seven companions. With romance comes sex scenes, and those are always a pillar of what BioWare fans have come to expect in their love stories.
So with The Veilguard on its way this fall, we figured we’d look back at sex and romance in the Dragon Age series and see who is the best lover in Thedas. We’re ranking each game separately, so we’re starting with 2014’s Dragon Age: Inquisition, which had some of the more elaborate sex scenes BioWare had ever put out at that time. Let’s see which member of the Inquisition knows how to lay down pipe.
Solas
The only reason Inquisition’s elven mage ranks at the bottom of the list of bangin’ is because he doesn’t have a sex scene. In fact, his romantic relationship is the only one that doesn’t reach a, well, climax. Solas breaks things off with the Inquisitor before things get hot and heavy. In the Trespasser DLC, he lays bare (sorry) that he didn’t want things to go that far while still hiding the truth of his nature as the elven trickster god the Dread Wolf. Thanks, I guess? Sorry to the Solasmancers for your decade-long slow burn. Wishing you well in Dragon Age: The Veilguard this fall.
Josephine
It’s pretty fitting that Josephine’s love scene is one of the more tame ones in Inquisition. She’s meant to be the group’s prim and proper political face, and her romance follows suit. So while it might not be as steamy as the rest of this list, it’s still delightful watching her come to the realization that the Inquisitor harbors feelings for her. The scene’s writing has the cadence of a poem as the Inquisitor and Josephine flirt and wax on about each other, then solidify it with a kiss. The closest Josie gets to a sex scene is a cuddle by the fire that could likely have led to something else. But you get no points for implications around these parts.
Blackwall
Blackwall, or somebody going by that name, has a romance full of broody angst as he attempts to prevent the Inquisitor from getting too close. But like all will they/won’t they love stories, that makes the eventual culmination of the relationship all the sweeter. When it comes to doing the deed, Blackwall tries to dissuade the Inquisitor once more, telling her there’s no future with him as a Grey Warden, as his time is inherently much more limited than the average person. He’s not worthy of her. She can do so much better. They shouldn’t. But they should and will. Then he climbs on top of her in the biggest, puffiest, awkward coat. Blackwall’s angst is delectable, but he loses points for dipping without any pillow talk.
Sera
I find Sera’s romance scene to be a breath of fresh air compared to the dramatic gravitas and sexy flirtatiousness of others in Inquisition—it’s the one that recognizes sex can be silly and stupid, too. Sera’s sex scene begins with the Inquisitor trying to find a present for her elven lover after gifted gave her. You spend time walking around your base at Skyhold asking for advice on what to give her. Vivienne, ever the ideas woman, will suggest the Inquisitor shave her pubic hair into some crude shape. If you do this and bring her back to your quarters to show her, the Inquisitor tells Sera that she went all around the Inquisition asking for suggestions. The mere idea that the party knows that she and Sera are together is enough to delight her. It’s a surprisingly sweet admission that being known and seen as the Inquisitor’s partner is enough of a gift for her, especially from a character who typically approaches situations with snark and irony-poisoned indifference. The two start going at it, then we see Sera remarking on the pubic hair art the Inquisitor has made for herself. She laughs about it so hard she falls off the bed. It’s great!
Dorian
Dorian Pavus’ sex scene can go one of two ways. The Tevinter mage either will slink into his lover’s quarters, say that he’s bored of the chit-chat, and wants to move onto something more “primal.” His sultry voice whispers at the Inquisitor’s ear and asks “how bad” he wants to be. If you choose to indulge, Dorian starts aggressively kissing the Inquisitor and the two go to town. Or, if you choose to slow things down a bit, Dorian is bewildered by this and says they’ve been “chaste” by his standards. It’s clear Dorian’s used to the breakneck pace of a gay man’s sex life in a populated city and unfamiliar with someone wanting to get to know him and be in a relationship. This approach may keep you from having sex at that very moment, but if that’s how you want to roleplay, that’s your prerogative. But I do think reaching the relationship is much better written, acted, and directed as a scene when you choose to have at it. Plus, you get to see his butt that way, and it’s a good one.
Cullen
The Cullen romance ticks so many boxes that I almost wish I could explore it myself, but I’m a loyal king to my one true love, Dorian. So instead I just have to admire it from afar. Like Blackwall, Cullen’s romance is full of angst, as you’re trying to fix a broken man. Then you fuck on his office desk, and he knocks all that work shit off and onto the floor. It’s hot, but what’s hotter is what comes after. You fall asleep together and he starts having a nightmare about his tortured past watching all the traumatic things that happened in the Dragon Age series unfold. Then you’re like “oh, I can fix this man,” and your relationship becomes all about helping him overcome his demons. This is an AO3 user’s wet dream. Now if only we could redub it with a different actor.
Cassandra
One of Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast’s best quirks is her love of poetry and showboaty romantic gestures. So when her sex scene begins with the Inquisitor surprising her in a forest while he’s reading poetry, you know she is about to go from a hardened warrior to twitterpated girl at a moment’s notice. The scene is so saccharine and cheesy but, by god, it fucking works. The way she shoves the Inquisitor as he circles her and turns the pages of his book of ballads as she blushes? How he walks up behind her as she steals the book and reads a passage of her own, the quickness with which they abandon the performance and then just jump each other’s bones on the dirty forest ground, it’s all perfect. The two finish the night stargazing and wondering about the future. You’re free to either lean into or kill the mood from there. But the Inquisitor has game in this scene. Y’all ate that shit up, heterosexuals.
Iron Bull
The Qunari warrior Iron Bull has two major sex scenes in Dragon Age: Inquisition, and if we were to rank them separately, they’d both be the top scenes on this list. The first is one where Iron Bull establishes that he doesn’t believe the Inquisitor is ready to “ride the bull.” If you insist you are, he holds your wrists together and pins you against the wall. “Last chance,” he whispers. Then he gives you what you asked for. As he leaves, spymaster Leliana approaches the bedroom to give the Inquisitor some intel before the Iron Bull tells her to let hero “rest” after what transpired. The couple has a follow-up conversation in which you establish the ground rules of your BDSM relationship. He’s dominant, knows what you need, and after leading the Inquisition throughout Thedas, maybe you require someone to tell you what to do from time to time.
The second, perhaps most important scene in the Iron Bull romance is the one in which Cullen, Josephine, and Cassandra walk one-by-one into the aftermath of one of your trists, remarking at the size of that thang. Good for you, Iron Bull. Maybe don’t try to do any pole vaulting at the Thedas Olympics.
If you’ve never played a Dragon Age game, Inquisition is probably the most required reading before The Veilguard launches this year. Despite some widely-remembered issues like its open world bloat, I still think it’s probably BioWare’s best story across its history. That shit holds up real well. I might be due for a replay before The Veilguard. I gotta kiss Dorian before I start playing a different hero in the new game this fall.
Leave a Reply